What is happiness...and love? What is the defanition of these words? Or can you not really define them because everyone's idea of happeniess and love are diffrent? Lately I have been feeling very emotionl and not like feeling doing anything but sulking. I am feeling so many emotions a once...I'm feeling confused, and sad, depressed, and like crying. I feel...unhappy and unloved...unapreciated and unwanted.

I miss having love and happiness in my life, but in so many ways it feels like I've never had either. However, I would like to have that in my life. I would like to have love, happeniess in my life. To be appreciated for all I do. To feel wanted...and loved. But it seems like I've never had any of it so it's like I don't know what any of it is.

Recently I have been thinking about what happened at the beginnig of the summer when my last boyfriend dumped me. I've been thinking about him a lot. I wish to know what happened that changed and caused him to break up with me. And on gaia this girl named "moonlight melodie" got on and conntacted me saying she had a message from mat that said he wanted me back...that he still loved me. Even though I'm convenced this was all a joke, or mat really talking to me with his avi being a girl or something, it's like a sparks come up inside me seeking hope. I don't really know why, nor can I explain it.

I seek many questions to be answered right now. What is love? What is happenies? Does he really still want me? Or is it someone playing a horribly mean joke on me, and toying with my emotions? I wish to talk to mat...but he wants nothing to do with me...he bloked me on here and gaia and doesn't talk to me...he's forgotten me, and moved on as I see it. Yet I seek help...someone to talk to. Right now I really want to talk to him.

As to the other subject in the title I would actually like to have some character art of my original character to be done...While I was trying to figure out how to draw my avi (the model of my oc I thought of maybe some people doing some art of my avi/oc so it would help me get some ideas on how to draw her, and my other characters. It would be much appreciated. In the meantime I'll continue to ponder on these thoughts, how to draw my oc, biology (I hate it suck at it), and try to kill this boss in final fantasy XII that won't die! Oh and get some new art up here.